Today you would have celebrated your first birthday.  As I sit back and reflect on the past 6 months I can’t help but be emotional at all that you’ve given me.

I knew I wanted to do something to make a difference, I wanted to give back somehow.  Some way.  A few years ago I started the NICU calendar with a friend and I’ve continued on the legacy of photographing beautiful babies that had been given a fighting chance because of the NICU here in Regina.  These nurses and doctors work tirelessly to save little lives like yours, and honouring the fight that you’ve all gone through became SO important to me.

Karly approached me and told me how much she wanted you to be in my calendar.  I wanted you to be in my calendar, but I didn’t know how to approach your parents to make that happen.  I knew tiny snippets of your story but didn’t know the entirety of it.  And if I’m being honest I didn’t want to be intrusive in your time with them, knowing that you were palliative and nobody knowing what time you had left, made it difficult for me to approach them.  Your incredible mom Sarah sent me a text and wanted you to be in the calendar, thanks to Karly’s intervention.  Lucky enough for us you were coming through Regina just a few days later and just a few days before I was set to have surgery.

Some higher power wanted this to happen and I welcomed it with open arms.

I’ll never forget the day your parents walked into my house.  They looked tired, exhausted actually, and you could tell in their eyes they were in despair from the uncertainty of your life and the things you’d been dealt with up until this point.  The love they showed you Creed was unlike anything I’d ever seen.  I know how deep a love is for a child, but this was deeper.  It was more meaningful.  And it was filled with such deep sorrow you could feel it.

You were so calm that day, you let me pose you with ease and you were just so content.  I felt like I was in the presence of an angel that day, little did I know I truly was.  Your parents remarked so many times on how you were having such a good day and you couldn’t believe how well that went and how calm and peaceful you were.  They let me hold you and I could just feel such an overwhelming sense of peace when you were in my arms.  Pretty sure I can figure out why they rarely put you down!

When your mom told me you’d passed, the sense of grief and sorrow I felt was not at all what I expected to feel.  It hit me so hard.  Being at your funeral was probably the single hardest moment of my life.

Creed I miss you, so much.  But today, on your first birthday, I want to celebrate you.  You only ever knew what unconditional love was and what an incredible gift that is.  The gift you gave me though was much greater than anything I’ve ever experienced.

Happy Birthday beautiful boy!! I hope your heaven celebration is as magnificent and glorious as you are!

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

How I wonder what you are

Up above the world so high

Like a diamond in the sky

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

How I wonder what you are

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